Bugs of Massive Discomfort!
DNC Charges the GOP with Unleashing the BMD (Bugs of Mass Discomfort)
The latest accusation from the DNC is the very serious claim that it is the Republicans and compliant Tea Party operatives have dispatched BMD’s at the offices and homes of the incumbents that are running for re-election this November. This campaign consists of inserting the eggs into all the furniture and mattresses at both locations. Axelrod has been raging a battle against them but he claims the conventional methods aren’t working and this strain can only be the work of the evil : Karl “ The Bug Man” Rove.
President Obama has covertly began a “ Bug Summit” gathering all of the top scientists in the field to join forces to combat the latest attack from the Right Wing Extremists. Well it seems when these little critters are exposed to high pitched frequencies they start to spawn even more aggressively than the typical bed bug. During a televised speech of Sarah Palin there was a monitor on within a earshot of the insects and to the shock of the scientists they noticed an incredible spike in growth and activity of these stubborn little bloodsuckers. I mean the bugs of course and not the members of the Democratic Party.
How diabolical these Republicans are. Their plan to make the Democratic incumbents as uncomfortable as possible might just work. Our hard-working President says he will not rest until these little buggers have been eradicated from all Democratic locations and his party members are once again at peace.
President Obama called Gibbs and told him to warm up the teleprompters we need to have a press conference. At the presser Jake Tapper asked Obama “ Do you really have any evidence that this is truly the work of Karl Rove and the GOP ? Mr. President it seems sort of silly. This bed bug thing is happening throughout all the metropolitan areas in the country”. Obama looked at Jake sternly in the face and said : “ You don’t believe me? Watch this! C’mere Joe!” Vice President Joe Biden got up to the podium next to Obama and bent his head down to show the crowd. At which point Obama started smacking Biden in the head and the entire first and second rows of journalists were doused with thousands of bed bugs and eggs that were flying off the hair plugs of the Vice President. The White House Press Corp were horrified and began to scream and panic. One reporter accidentally knocked out the electrical cord of the teleprompter and they both went blank. The rest of the crew were shouting to Obama what do we do now?! Obama stood there mute. Where were the magic words? What do I say? Frozen in fear Obama started to repeat “ Yes we Can” Yes we can what Mr. President? “ I inherited a financial mess it was all Bush’s fault” “ Don’t give them the keys back” “ Mr. President we are all being eaten alive by these bugs what do we do? “ Washington is broken”
As Vice President Biden began to restore his man-made comb over back to its’ original state he knew what must be done. He stood up and with a voice that could irritate a saint he yells at the WH Press Corp. “ Shut the F%*&K UP!” and kept his mouth open and let loose with this awful howl that sent all the reporters grabbing their ears. Suddenly all the insects had stopped in mid flight and began to go in the direction of the Vice Presidents mouth. Amazingly swarm after swarm of bugs entered into Biden’s mouth until every single insect and egg were gone. Gibbs ran to the end of the cord and plugged it back in again and signaled to Axelrod to start typing in words for Obama to say. The power went back on and the teleprompter glowed back to life. Suddenly Obama began to move freely and smiled. The White House Press Corp all stood there completely in shock not knowing what to say. President Obama was the first to break the silence” Well you guys know how Joe is and nobody messes with Joe! Not even little bugs” I think we all had a teachable moment and remember we are going in the right direction don’t be stupid and vote Republican. Thank You.
What a leader.