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Tea Party Massacre

I was witness to some of the most horrific behavior I have ever seen. While walking by Central Park in Manhattan I noticed a large group of people with signs chanting something about killing! Being a good citizen I cautiously approached the rowdy gang of individuals. What I saw was shocking. I have been a New Yorker most of my life and thought I was immune to the most violent acts a human was capable of. Nothing I have done or saw could have prepared me for this.

These monsters were throwing objects at the pigeons who were so panicked by the assault that they were milling about crazily. As I investigated the weapons these members were throwing at these defenseless birds I noticed they had taken ordinary bread and turned it into deadly pieces of yeast shrapnel. These weren’t kids they were older adults. One of the participants was armed with a homemade toxic dirty bomb or code word : colostomy bag. As I stood frozen in fear the leader of the group slammed me with a walker and began questioning me. She pulled out a black disc and told me to have one. I stared at this disc of death knowing my demise is near I must make a move. Suddenly like a ninja I rip the poison from granny’s bony claw and I ram it down her throat her reflex was that of a boxer. She bites down on my hand I scream! Other members notice the melee and start to help their leader. When I look down at my hand I realize she has me trapped with some sort of clamp on my hand that resembles teeth. I’m obviously dealing with pros.

What to do? It’s right then I realize my salvation. In my backpack I take out the complimentry matinee tickets for a special showing of Bridges of Madison County. I start to show them the tickets and in an instant their thirst for blood is quenched. The whole angry mob goes docile oohs and ahhhs circulate the group. Amazingly the clamp on my hand releases itself and falls into the hand of one of their foot soldiers. The leader of the group begins to pass out the tickets amongst the crowd and in an almost ritualistic type of gratitude they put their hands on my face as gentle as a child and pinches it. Whew! thank God for that part-time job at the movie theatre. BTW you just met the run of the mill Tea Party members. Scary huh?

Story by: Every journalist that has abandoned their principles and probably work for MSNBC

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